Before we take off for our vacation, we thought we'd check in here one more time.
A lot of people are asking where we are in the process, what's left, etc., so we'll try to explain.
As of this week, we finally received approval from our adoption agency. This means that our initial paperwork and homestudy are finalized and that we have met the requirements for adopting a child from Ethiopia. We are now working on completing our dossier (this is the actual file that will go to Ethiopia) and awaiting approval from the US Citizenship and Immigration Services (CIS) to bring a child into the US (essentially, a pre-approval to obtain a visa for our child).
We are almost done with the dossier paperwork. The dossier is, for the most part, compiled of the same documents as we needed to obtain for our agency, but everything has to be notarized and then authenticated by the state. I'm still going a little nuts trying to get proof of my health insurance in an acceptable format. I have 4 letters that don't meet the requirements, but so far none that do :( (I'll save that pain and suffering for another post.) Otherwise, we're in good shape and should be able to finish the dossier up by the end of January.
We have less control over the CIS approval process. We have filed an application and our homestudy has been sent to them for review. Now we wait for CIS to invite us in for fingerprinting. The timeframes for getting a fingerprinting appointment seem to vary greatly depending on where you live. We've heard of people getting appointments in as little as 2 weeks and as many as 10-12. After the prints are taken, CIS will review our file and (we assume) provide an approval (again the timeframes seem to vary quite a bit). Unfortunately, this is the process that will have the most impact on the timing of the rest of the process for us (oh how I hate having so little control!!)
As soon as we do have CIS approval, we will officially be put on our agency's waitlist for a referral - that is, to be matched with a child in Ethiopia. Seems like wait times are currently about 3-5 months, but things can change very quickly when it comes to the adoption process, so we're not getting too hung up on dates (at least not yet).
After we accept the referral, we wait for a court date... and then travel to Ethiopia. But no need to go into all that now, as I'm sure we'll have plenty of time to blog about all the details later.
And that's pretty much it in a nutshell.
Not much for us to do from here on out, probably making it both the easiest and hardest time of the process. It is amazing to realize how far we've come, even though we could still have a very long way to go!!
But for now, we must put this aside. We've got a car coming to take us to the airport in about 15 hours and we still have a few errands to do, not to mention all of our packing. We also have to see EJ off - he's vacationing uptown at the home of his old dog-walker.
Unlikely we'll be checking in while we're away, as I don't expect much internet access in Bhutan - although I hear they have a nice HAM radio station (that's not a joke). But we look forward to catching up with everyone when we return.
Happy Holidays and a Very Happy New Year to you all!!
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Friday, December 21, 2007
ps
ps.... for those who have been following along, the bank letter from HSBC was NOT in an acceptable format (surprise, surprise), but Ryan managed a much smoother re-visit to Chase and we've got what we need.
pps.... I did finally get the right form of my birth certificate.
ppps.... Bhutan is here:
View Larger Map
(don't worry if you had no idea - you are not alone!)
pps.... I did finally get the right form of my birth certificate.
ppps.... Bhutan is here:
View Larger Map
(don't worry if you had no idea - you are not alone!)
Thursday, December 20, 2007
approved!!
It's official - we are Gladney-approved and our homestudy is on its way to CIS!!
Time to celebrate the holidays and enjoy our vacation. India and Bhutan... here we come!!
Time to celebrate the holidays and enjoy our vacation. India and Bhutan... here we come!!
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
brand new day
We have progress!
I learned today that our homestudy was finally finalized and sent by our social worker in the NY office to Natalie on Friday. So once Natalie has a chance to review it one last time, we should be good to go! And I do need to note that Natalie was very prompt and helpful today. I know I have voiced my displeasure frequently here, so it's only fair to also mention all the help we have received from Gladney.
By the way, did I mention that one of my Chanukah presents from Ryan was a lyric/notes book by Sting (note the title of this post)? I thought it was a very cool gift, but then again, I am probably the only bride who walked down the aisle to Sting's "Fragile" at her wedding.
I learned today that our homestudy was finally finalized and sent by our social worker in the NY office to Natalie on Friday. So once Natalie has a chance to review it one last time, we should be good to go! And I do need to note that Natalie was very prompt and helpful today. I know I have voiced my displeasure frequently here, so it's only fair to also mention all the help we have received from Gladney.
By the way, did I mention that one of my Chanukah presents from Ryan was a lyric/notes book by Sting (note the title of this post)? I thought it was a very cool gift, but then again, I am probably the only bride who walked down the aisle to Sting's "Fragile" at her wedding.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
adventures in banking: part 2
If you've been reading this for at least a couple of weeks, you'll recall that Ryan had a rather miserable experience at the bank trying to obtain a notarized bank reference letter only to find out, after his two painful trips to the bank, that we needed a letter which referenced not only our checking account, but a savings account as well. He, understandably, had enough of banks, so it was my turn.
I started with a letter to my bank, because I actually thought it might be easier. You know, rather than try to work through the reps at a branch, my request could find its way directly to someone who had the understanding and authority to issue a reference letter. And it almost worked!!
I should probably explain first that my "home" branch is actually in the town I grew up in, and not in NYC, since I think I was probably still in elementary school when I opened my first bank account. So when HSBC got my letter, they referred it to that office and I got a call from Annie.* Annie was super excited about my adoption plans and so, so sweet and anxious to help. Just one problem - the office does not have a notary on staff and we agreed that it would be inconvenient and costly for me not only to get up to that office, but to get there with a notary. She assured me that I could walk into any HSBC branch that had a notary (and reminded me to ask first, because they don't all have one) and request a letter and they would be happy to oblige. I admit I had my doubts, but Annie was sure. She said to have the other branch call her if there was any trouble. She wished me well with the process again and I was on to round two.
This past Friday I made my way into a nearby HSBC during my lunch hour where Chip, another patient and kind representative, offered his assistance. He agreed with Annie that such a letter was no problem for HSBC, but unfortunately this branch did not have a notary either. But I shouldn't fret - the office a few blocks away had a full time notary and I should try there. Chip gave me his card, suggested I talk to Grant at the other branch, and assured me I would be well taken care of. On to round three.
So I made my way to the next branch and met Grant. Grant seemed to have a harder time understanding my needs. I had brought with me the model letter that Gladney includes in the dossier manual, thinking it would simplify things. It didn't. Grant could not understand why I simply did not cross out the words like "[name of prospective adoptive parent]" and fill in my information. He would have been happy to sign the letter if I just filled in my information. Finally, I got him to understand that the letter really had to be on bank letterhead and so this method would not work.
Once Grant understood what I needed, he told me the bank could do it, but they'd charge me $20 and I should go talk to Lucy... over there... and he shooed me away.
Twenty dollars?? Did others have to pay for bank reference letters? I found this so strange. Chase didn't charge for the letter we already got. I decided I'd wait to talk to Lucy since I was already there, but I immediately called Ryan and left him a message letting him know he might very well be back in this game.
Anyhow... the bank was quite crowded and Lucy appeared to be the only person available to help people for issues other than deposits/withdrawals. When she finally called me to see her, she stood in the doorway of her office not quite letting me in. Clearly, Lucy was ready to call it a day and didn't want to deal with anything big. I explained to her that my husband and I were in the middle of adopting a child, and, as part of the process, I needed to obtain a letter from my bank, referencing that I held a savings account in good standing. I showed her the model letter - fortunately, she immediately appreciated that it was, in fact, a "model," and that the bank would need to duplicate it. She said it normally takes a day and I should leave the form (which she was already holding) and come back Monday. Thanks. Bye. But before she too could shoo me away, I suggested she might need my name and account number. She told me to write on the form, but as I searched for a pen, she decided to calm down a bit and walked me into her office and asked me to sit down.
I gave her my info and she printed off a page with my details to attach to the form letter. She asked me what the letter needed to say. I reviewed the form with her and told her that I just needed confirmation that I had an account in good standing and to please NOT include account balances (apparently, this can create issues because the number won't exactly match the financial statements in our homestudy). I asked if there was a charge for the letter and she said yes - $15 (maybe Grant was looking to make a few bucks off me??)... but then immediately said she wouldn't charge me. No reason given and I didn't ask for one. She gave me her card and said to come back Monday afternoon. And I will.
So hopefully tomorrow when I return, there will be a letter and it will be similar to the model form and properly notarized. I'm thinking it's a 50-50 chance. Check back tomorrow for the results.
As for the rest... still no progress at Gladney. They have now had our homestudy report (which was conducted by Gladney) for about three weeks, but it has not been finalized. We've seen a draft and it seems pretty straightforward and states up front that we are "recommended" as adoptive parents. There were some minor revisions necessary (for example, they got the town where I went to high school wrong), but nothing that should have taken more than a day or so to fix. We have no explanation for why they have not been able to finalize the report.
I understand that Gladney has had a surge in its Ethiopia program and I'm aware that things in the Ethiopian courts have not been moving very smoothly of late. I am sure that this has shifted their attention and priorities somewhat. I also remind myself that these changes mean that more children are finding homes and that is entirely good. And I know that this process is like a roller coaster ride and I should have no expectation of an easy or smooth ride. So I try to keep perspective.
But it is hard and I must admit that I have been having some minor meltdowns. We have just about completed all of our paperwork for our dossier. But until the homestudy report is finalized and we are officially "Gladney approved," we are more or less at a standstill. We cannot complete our CIS I-600A and get the CIS fingerprinting/approval process started. With referral times increasing and court appointments taking longer, we already know that we are likely on the cusp as to whether or not we will be able to complete the process prior to the courts closing (i.e. summer) as opposed to late Fall/Winter... perhaps we will not even travel until early 2009. I think what is most frustrating is that of all the things we imagined could go wrong, our agency's lack of responsiveness was not one of them. Still, we are trying to accept that this is not within our control and to try not to let it get to us. I do know and believe that things will work out in the end and it will all have been worth it. It just might take me a little while to feel okay about it.
*all names have been changed to protect the identities of those involved
I started with a letter to my bank, because I actually thought it might be easier. You know, rather than try to work through the reps at a branch, my request could find its way directly to someone who had the understanding and authority to issue a reference letter. And it almost worked!!
I should probably explain first that my "home" branch is actually in the town I grew up in, and not in NYC, since I think I was probably still in elementary school when I opened my first bank account. So when HSBC got my letter, they referred it to that office and I got a call from Annie.* Annie was super excited about my adoption plans and so, so sweet and anxious to help. Just one problem - the office does not have a notary on staff and we agreed that it would be inconvenient and costly for me not only to get up to that office, but to get there with a notary. She assured me that I could walk into any HSBC branch that had a notary (and reminded me to ask first, because they don't all have one) and request a letter and they would be happy to oblige. I admit I had my doubts, but Annie was sure. She said to have the other branch call her if there was any trouble. She wished me well with the process again and I was on to round two.
This past Friday I made my way into a nearby HSBC during my lunch hour where Chip, another patient and kind representative, offered his assistance. He agreed with Annie that such a letter was no problem for HSBC, but unfortunately this branch did not have a notary either. But I shouldn't fret - the office a few blocks away had a full time notary and I should try there. Chip gave me his card, suggested I talk to Grant at the other branch, and assured me I would be well taken care of. On to round three.
So I made my way to the next branch and met Grant. Grant seemed to have a harder time understanding my needs. I had brought with me the model letter that Gladney includes in the dossier manual, thinking it would simplify things. It didn't. Grant could not understand why I simply did not cross out the words like "[name of prospective adoptive parent]" and fill in my information. He would have been happy to sign the letter if I just filled in my information. Finally, I got him to understand that the letter really had to be on bank letterhead and so this method would not work.
Once Grant understood what I needed, he told me the bank could do it, but they'd charge me $20 and I should go talk to Lucy... over there... and he shooed me away.
Twenty dollars?? Did others have to pay for bank reference letters? I found this so strange. Chase didn't charge for the letter we already got. I decided I'd wait to talk to Lucy since I was already there, but I immediately called Ryan and left him a message letting him know he might very well be back in this game.
Anyhow... the bank was quite crowded and Lucy appeared to be the only person available to help people for issues other than deposits/withdrawals. When she finally called me to see her, she stood in the doorway of her office not quite letting me in. Clearly, Lucy was ready to call it a day and didn't want to deal with anything big. I explained to her that my husband and I were in the middle of adopting a child, and, as part of the process, I needed to obtain a letter from my bank, referencing that I held a savings account in good standing. I showed her the model letter - fortunately, she immediately appreciated that it was, in fact, a "model," and that the bank would need to duplicate it. She said it normally takes a day and I should leave the form (which she was already holding) and come back Monday. Thanks. Bye. But before she too could shoo me away, I suggested she might need my name and account number. She told me to write on the form, but as I searched for a pen, she decided to calm down a bit and walked me into her office and asked me to sit down.
I gave her my info and she printed off a page with my details to attach to the form letter. She asked me what the letter needed to say. I reviewed the form with her and told her that I just needed confirmation that I had an account in good standing and to please NOT include account balances (apparently, this can create issues because the number won't exactly match the financial statements in our homestudy). I asked if there was a charge for the letter and she said yes - $15 (maybe Grant was looking to make a few bucks off me??)... but then immediately said she wouldn't charge me. No reason given and I didn't ask for one. She gave me her card and said to come back Monday afternoon. And I will.
So hopefully tomorrow when I return, there will be a letter and it will be similar to the model form and properly notarized. I'm thinking it's a 50-50 chance. Check back tomorrow for the results.
As for the rest... still no progress at Gladney. They have now had our homestudy report (which was conducted by Gladney) for about three weeks, but it has not been finalized. We've seen a draft and it seems pretty straightforward and states up front that we are "recommended" as adoptive parents. There were some minor revisions necessary (for example, they got the town where I went to high school wrong), but nothing that should have taken more than a day or so to fix. We have no explanation for why they have not been able to finalize the report.
I understand that Gladney has had a surge in its Ethiopia program and I'm aware that things in the Ethiopian courts have not been moving very smoothly of late. I am sure that this has shifted their attention and priorities somewhat. I also remind myself that these changes mean that more children are finding homes and that is entirely good. And I know that this process is like a roller coaster ride and I should have no expectation of an easy or smooth ride. So I try to keep perspective.
But it is hard and I must admit that I have been having some minor meltdowns. We have just about completed all of our paperwork for our dossier. But until the homestudy report is finalized and we are officially "Gladney approved," we are more or less at a standstill. We cannot complete our CIS I-600A and get the CIS fingerprinting/approval process started. With referral times increasing and court appointments taking longer, we already know that we are likely on the cusp as to whether or not we will be able to complete the process prior to the courts closing (i.e. summer) as opposed to late Fall/Winter... perhaps we will not even travel until early 2009. I think what is most frustrating is that of all the things we imagined could go wrong, our agency's lack of responsiveness was not one of them. Still, we are trying to accept that this is not within our control and to try not to let it get to us. I do know and believe that things will work out in the end and it will all have been worth it. It just might take me a little while to feel okay about it.
*all names have been changed to protect the identities of those involved
Thursday, December 13, 2007
in case you still have some holiday shopping to do...
Since I'm tired of writing about all of the frustrations of adoption, I thought I'd switch gears today and post about one of our holiday gifts this year - Marcus Samuelsson's The Soul of a New Cuisine.
For those who don't know, Marcus Samuelsson is a well-known chef in the NYC area. He also happens to be an Ethiopian man who was adopted by a Swedish couple when he was a child. The book is a cookbook inspired by his travels through Africa (including, of course, Ethiopia), and, in addition to recipes that look absolutely amazing, the book contains tons of beautiful pictures and stories about Samuelsson's travels. Oh, and if that's not enough to pique your interest, Samuelsson is donating a portion of the profits from the book to UNICEF.
We can't wait to try out all the great-looking recipes (and yes, by "try out" that means Ryan cooks, I taste!)!!
Tomorrow we will revert back to our regularly scheduled program "Adoption Frustrations with M&R - Episode: More Fun at the Bank." Stay tuned :)
For those who don't know, Marcus Samuelsson is a well-known chef in the NYC area. He also happens to be an Ethiopian man who was adopted by a Swedish couple when he was a child. The book is a cookbook inspired by his travels through Africa (including, of course, Ethiopia), and, in addition to recipes that look absolutely amazing, the book contains tons of beautiful pictures and stories about Samuelsson's travels. Oh, and if that's not enough to pique your interest, Samuelsson is donating a portion of the profits from the book to UNICEF.
We can't wait to try out all the great-looking recipes (and yes, by "try out" that means Ryan cooks, I taste!)!!
Tomorrow we will revert back to our regularly scheduled program "Adoption Frustrations with M&R - Episode: More Fun at the Bank." Stay tuned :)
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
stuff
OK. So I was so sure that good news was on its way, that I was not going to write any new posts until I could announce our Gladney Approval, but that's starting to seem like it may take a while and I hate to disappoint my faithful readers (all 4 or 5 of you!).
(Actually, I first had this brilliant idea about not posting about two weeks ago, when Gladney told us they had our homestudy report and gave me the impression that it would be just a few days before we got that famous approval email I've seen shared on many blogs, but that was clearly not to be.... Oh well. I've certainly rambled on enough about that.)
Interestingly, Gladney sent an email today to families in the Ethiopia program acknowledging that they have been a bit overwhelmed as the program has grown substantially recently, and they apologized for delays in process that families have been experiencing. They are in the process of increasing staff, etc. and are trying to get back on track. I've seen some numbers posted on other people's blogs and it really is amazing how quickly the Ethiopian program has grown - I think there are currently more than three times as many families in this program as one year ago!
As we have shared, we have certainly been disappointed in the way things have been going lately, but it is hard to be too upset when you stop and think about the reason - that is, that so many more people are adopting from Ethiopia, meaning so many more children will find homes soon. Not to say I won't be having at least a few more breakdowns as we continue along this road, but we are trying to focus more on the positive, and to let things play out however they may (wish this control freak some luck!).
So.... on to the positive. We've got our travel visas!! I can't believe we forgot about getting visas, but I guess we've been so consumed by adoption and work and holidays and everything else, that, well, our upcoming vacation was the last thing on our minds. I have been treating it as though it's months away, but it's almost here!! Woo hoo!!! Let the countdown begin....
(Actually, I first had this brilliant idea about not posting about two weeks ago, when Gladney told us they had our homestudy report and gave me the impression that it would be just a few days before we got that famous approval email I've seen shared on many blogs, but that was clearly not to be.... Oh well. I've certainly rambled on enough about that.)
Interestingly, Gladney sent an email today to families in the Ethiopia program acknowledging that they have been a bit overwhelmed as the program has grown substantially recently, and they apologized for delays in process that families have been experiencing. They are in the process of increasing staff, etc. and are trying to get back on track. I've seen some numbers posted on other people's blogs and it really is amazing how quickly the Ethiopian program has grown - I think there are currently more than three times as many families in this program as one year ago!
As we have shared, we have certainly been disappointed in the way things have been going lately, but it is hard to be too upset when you stop and think about the reason - that is, that so many more people are adopting from Ethiopia, meaning so many more children will find homes soon. Not to say I won't be having at least a few more breakdowns as we continue along this road, but we are trying to focus more on the positive, and to let things play out however they may (wish this control freak some luck!).
So.... on to the positive. We've got our travel visas!! I can't believe we forgot about getting visas, but I guess we've been so consumed by adoption and work and holidays and everything else, that, well, our upcoming vacation was the last thing on our minds. I have been treating it as though it's months away, but it's almost here!! Woo hoo!!! Let the countdown begin....
Saturday, December 8, 2007
a little perspective
Thanks to family and friends (here and in the blog world) for all the kind words and reassurances. It is so nice to know we are not alone in all of this.
Sometimes this process can be sooooo frustrating, and we can't help but find ourselves ranting about it all, but we do know that it will all be very worth it in the end. I know that many others are going through the same things that we are, and have also had their own setbacks. This was a rough week for several families going through court in Ethiopia and my heart goes out to all of them. I think this post by Jana and this one from Renee's dad definitely help put things in perspective.
So no more complaining... (at least for today!).
Besides, we realized yesterday that we have slightly more pressing issues to focus on. We're gearing up for a vacation in a couple of weeks and realized yesterday that we never got travel visas for one of our destinations. Ooops!! (We should be able to resolve this tomorrow, but it's fair to say I was feeling very anxious and stressed yesterday and, for the first time in a while, it had absolutely nothing to do with adoption!!).
In other news, we're getting ready for a visit from our Aussie friend (who I met in SE Asia - go figure). He's due to arrive here this afternoon... somewhere in between his travels to Japan, Vegas, and Mexico (to name a few of his stops). Now that's a good life!
Sometimes this process can be sooooo frustrating, and we can't help but find ourselves ranting about it all, but we do know that it will all be very worth it in the end. I know that many others are going through the same things that we are, and have also had their own setbacks. This was a rough week for several families going through court in Ethiopia and my heart goes out to all of them. I think this post by Jana and this one from Renee's dad definitely help put things in perspective.
So no more complaining... (at least for today!).
Besides, we realized yesterday that we have slightly more pressing issues to focus on. We're gearing up for a vacation in a couple of weeks and realized yesterday that we never got travel visas for one of our destinations. Ooops!! (We should be able to resolve this tomorrow, but it's fair to say I was feeling very anxious and stressed yesterday and, for the first time in a while, it had absolutely nothing to do with adoption!!).
In other news, we're getting ready for a visit from our Aussie friend (who I met in SE Asia - go figure). He's due to arrive here this afternoon... somewhere in between his travels to Japan, Vegas, and Mexico (to name a few of his stops). Now that's a good life!
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
so close... and yet so far away
I feel like we've been doing quite a lot of ranting here recently and I apologize for that. I would love this blog to have only happy, positive posts, but sometimes this process makes that hard.
In the last few days, here's what we've learned -
My birth certificate is not the right form for the dossier. Kate from KBS says this seems to happen often in NY and suggests that you need to call and speak to a live person to resolve it. I thought this was not a big deal, but try getting a person from the NY State Dept. of Health on the phone.
I need to obtain a separate, notarized letter confirming my health and life insurance coverage for our dossier. We initially needed proof of our insurance for our agency application. I was having trouble getting a notarized letter from my provider, but Ryan's employer was able to confirm his coverage (and the adopted child's eligibility to receive coverage immediately). Gladney was fine with this, and I understood from my discussions with them that his letter would suffice for us both and I didn't need to obtain a separate letter. Kate says I do. My insurance administrator says they would be happy to send me a confirmation of all my coverage on company letterhead, but no way they'll be getting that notarized. Desperate, I went back to my HR Dept. and asked if they could help. (If you've been reading this for a while, you'll know that I had to go through several rounds with my HR Dept. to get my employment verification letter in the right format and I could not imagine having to go back again for another letter). Fortunately, they are a very patient and understanding group and I hope to have another letter from them soon (of course, your guess is as good as mine as to whether the letter will actually state what it needs to!).
Then there's the infamous bank letter. Kate actually said it looked okay (I'm amazed). But... (you knew a "but" was coming) she wanted to know why the bank only stated that we had a checking account. Well, the answer is because we only maintain a joint checking account; our savings accounts are separate and at different banks. And wouldn't you know it, we need to have a bank letter stating that we have a savings account. Kate says we should be okay if just one of us gets this, and Ryan has nominated me. I think he's had enough of banks - or at least bank reps.
We also made a mistake with respect to Ryan's dossier physician's report (as opposed to the agency application physician report), but that one is my fault. There's a quick fix, but it will mean another trip to the doctor for Ryan.
I knew that the paperwork for adoption would be painful and I didn't expect everything to work out perfectly, but it's still frustrating. We might be making a few suggestions to our agency to improve their instructions when we finally get through this all. Don't get me wrong - they have been really great to work with overall, but they received and reviewed some (not all) of our dossier docs as part of the application process and I can't help but wonder why they didn't point out some of the potential issues then. Now it feels like we have wasted a lot of time waiting, when we could have been fixing these mistakes.
Oh... and we're still waiting for our agency's official approval. I really thought we would have it by now, since they've had our homestudy for a week and had indicated that it only takes a few days to review. With everything else that's gone wrong, I am getting worried!
Well, I cannot end this post on such a negative note, so to switch gears, here's another great site for holiday gifts that do good: UNICEF Inspired Gifts
Happy Shopping!
In the last few days, here's what we've learned -
My birth certificate is not the right form for the dossier. Kate from KBS says this seems to happen often in NY and suggests that you need to call and speak to a live person to resolve it. I thought this was not a big deal, but try getting a person from the NY State Dept. of Health on the phone.
I need to obtain a separate, notarized letter confirming my health and life insurance coverage for our dossier. We initially needed proof of our insurance for our agency application. I was having trouble getting a notarized letter from my provider, but Ryan's employer was able to confirm his coverage (and the adopted child's eligibility to receive coverage immediately). Gladney was fine with this, and I understood from my discussions with them that his letter would suffice for us both and I didn't need to obtain a separate letter. Kate says I do. My insurance administrator says they would be happy to send me a confirmation of all my coverage on company letterhead, but no way they'll be getting that notarized. Desperate, I went back to my HR Dept. and asked if they could help. (If you've been reading this for a while, you'll know that I had to go through several rounds with my HR Dept. to get my employment verification letter in the right format and I could not imagine having to go back again for another letter). Fortunately, they are a very patient and understanding group and I hope to have another letter from them soon (of course, your guess is as good as mine as to whether the letter will actually state what it needs to!).
Then there's the infamous bank letter. Kate actually said it looked okay (I'm amazed). But... (you knew a "but" was coming) she wanted to know why the bank only stated that we had a checking account. Well, the answer is because we only maintain a joint checking account; our savings accounts are separate and at different banks. And wouldn't you know it, we need to have a bank letter stating that we have a savings account. Kate says we should be okay if just one of us gets this, and Ryan has nominated me. I think he's had enough of banks - or at least bank reps.
We also made a mistake with respect to Ryan's dossier physician's report (as opposed to the agency application physician report), but that one is my fault. There's a quick fix, but it will mean another trip to the doctor for Ryan.
I knew that the paperwork for adoption would be painful and I didn't expect everything to work out perfectly, but it's still frustrating. We might be making a few suggestions to our agency to improve their instructions when we finally get through this all. Don't get me wrong - they have been really great to work with overall, but they received and reviewed some (not all) of our dossier docs as part of the application process and I can't help but wonder why they didn't point out some of the potential issues then. Now it feels like we have wasted a lot of time waiting, when we could have been fixing these mistakes.
Oh... and we're still waiting for our agency's official approval. I really thought we would have it by now, since they've had our homestudy for a week and had indicated that it only takes a few days to review. With everything else that's gone wrong, I am getting worried!
Well, I cannot end this post on such a negative note, so to switch gears, here's another great site for holiday gifts that do good: UNICEF Inspired Gifts
Happy Shopping!
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
happy chanukah!
can you guess who wrapped what?
(Only kidding around, of course. Despite the deceiving wrapping, Ryan is a very generous guy with fantastic taste and I am a lucky, lucky girl!)
(Only kidding around, of course. Despite the deceiving wrapping, Ryan is a very generous guy with fantastic taste and I am a lucky, lucky girl!)
Sunday, December 2, 2007
first snow
We woke up to a snow covered city this morning, which made for a mostly lazy day by the fire for us. Kind of nice if you ask me.
Tomorrow we'll be back to the daily grind, including trying to wrap up the last few pieces of paperwork for our dossier. As Ryan noted in his post below, we were finally able to get a bank letter, but it's no joke when he says it looks like a forgery. I suspect we will be looking to one of our other banks to provide another letter. I also got an email from Kate at KBS Dossier Services on Friday afternoon letting my know that the certified birth certificate I sent was not in the proper form for authentication, so I'll be on the phone with the State birth records department bright and early tomorrow trying to take care of that. Sometimes this process really does feel like the saying "one step forward, two steps back...." Ugh.
Tomorrow we'll be back to the daily grind, including trying to wrap up the last few pieces of paperwork for our dossier. As Ryan noted in his post below, we were finally able to get a bank letter, but it's no joke when he says it looks like a forgery. I suspect we will be looking to one of our other banks to provide another letter. I also got an email from Kate at KBS Dossier Services on Friday afternoon letting my know that the certified birth certificate I sent was not in the proper form for authentication, so I'll be on the phone with the State birth records department bright and early tomorrow trying to take care of that. Sometimes this process really does feel like the saying "one step forward, two steps back...." Ugh.
Friday, November 30, 2007
How many bankers does it take to write a form letter?
So part of the dossier package is a letter from a bank that states you have an account in good standing. It amounts to about 3 sentences and a date on letterhead with a notarized signature. How much effort does it take to get such a letter from our bank of choice?
Well, we have an example letter provided by our agency, which I brought to my local branch. I approached the customer service desk, made my request indicating that my wife and I were in an adoption process, provided the example letter, and was told I could be given an automated account verification letter, which the rep proceeded to print out before I could respond with, "Thank you, but that type of letter won't work for me," (The automated letter contains balances, no signature, and thus no ability to notarize a signature).
I suggested that I knew this to be an unusual request, but perhaps someone could type out a letter to match the example I had attempted to provide. The woman looked at me as if I had insulted her, and said, sorry, she couldn't do that.
So in as calm a tone as I could muster, I stared the woman down and said, "You do realize that without this letter, I can't adopt my child. Perhaps there is someone else who could offer some assistance." This seemed to have the intended effect. She called one person, who blew her off (I continued staring). She called a second person, who after a few minutes of negotiating, instructed the rep to type the letter, which could then be signed by the supervisor.
My rep now took her seat behind her terminal and I could see the wheels starting to turn - I think it was going to be the first time since I don't know when that she was going to have to do a task that was not a brainless procedural set of keystrokes (although, when you think about it, I was asking for a 3-line letter copied from an example she had right in front of her).
But before she could start, I asked if the bank had a notary. She said yes, but she was out today (insert you favorite game show or video game YOU LOSE - THANK YOU FOR PLAYING sound effect here - I like WA WA WA WAAAAA).
Still, she said it was no problem - I could take the letter down the street to the notary at the pharmacy, to which I responded - would the person she spoke to on the phone be willing to walk down to the pharmacy with me (since it was that person's signature being notarized)?
"Ohhhhhh."
At which point she smiled, because she knew she didn't have to do the letter today...
Score after 1 day: 1 Bank Rep + 2 Supervisors = 0 letters Time spent: 1 hour
On day 2, I came in ready to go... I had the card of the supervisor who had approved the unusual letter writing request. I approached customer service and asked, "Is your notary here today?" The rep (different rep, but same species, I'll call her rep2) replied yes, yelled behind her and walked away from me, before I could start my letter-writing request summary.
The notary appeared, and I said, "Sorry to bother you. I actually need a letter written before you can notarize it - can one of these reps help me with that?" She waved me off and disappeared, leaving me standing there with no one.
Rep2 finished off her latest gossiping with the other reps on duty that day, wandered back to her station near me. I started to say I needed a letter written, but she cut me off, saying "You asked for a notary, so I gave you a notary." I just smiled, and asked for the supervisor, providing the card I had taken at the last minute the day before.
I then waited for twenty minutes for the supervisor to arrive - I'll call her SuperV - she was actually very nice, listened while I explained what I needed, took the example, and said she would get someone to help her write it, and she would sign it and would get one of the notaries (emphasis on PLURAL notarIES) to notarize it.
A few more minutes go by, I'm hanging out, finally I get called up to where the letter is being worked on. In a cubicle, SuperV is hovering over rep3, who is attempting to type the letter (i think by manually carving each individual letter into a stone tablet). They ask me about which account date to use, just my name or my wife's name also, etc... another few minutes go by... finally they print a draft, and my oh my, it has everything we need... it just screams FORGERY. It's black and white, on standard issue cheap paper, it's badly centered, it's using Courier font which makes it look like it was done on an ancient typewriter. SuperV says I should have a seat and she'll have rep4 (who's a notary) take care of that part as soon as he's done (rep 4 having just started a conversation with a family of 3 about a home loan - tick, tick tick)...
Of course, I'm thinking at this point, as my stay for day 2 passes the 1 hour mark, not only do I have what looks like a forgery, but rep4 was probably around yesterday except rep1 either didn't know he was a notary or deliberately told me the notary was sick to avoid having to do the letter. tick tick tick...
Finally after 10 more minutes, rep4 emerges, the letter is signed and notarized, and I am on my way...
Final Score: 4 Bank Reps + 1 notary + 1 SuperV = 1 (forged-quality) letter
Time spent: 2.5 hours
Well, we have an example letter provided by our agency, which I brought to my local branch. I approached the customer service desk, made my request indicating that my wife and I were in an adoption process, provided the example letter, and was told I could be given an automated account verification letter, which the rep proceeded to print out before I could respond with, "Thank you, but that type of letter won't work for me," (The automated letter contains balances, no signature, and thus no ability to notarize a signature).
I suggested that I knew this to be an unusual request, but perhaps someone could type out a letter to match the example I had attempted to provide. The woman looked at me as if I had insulted her, and said, sorry, she couldn't do that.
So in as calm a tone as I could muster, I stared the woman down and said, "You do realize that without this letter, I can't adopt my child. Perhaps there is someone else who could offer some assistance." This seemed to have the intended effect. She called one person, who blew her off (I continued staring). She called a second person, who after a few minutes of negotiating, instructed the rep to type the letter, which could then be signed by the supervisor.
My rep now took her seat behind her terminal and I could see the wheels starting to turn - I think it was going to be the first time since I don't know when that she was going to have to do a task that was not a brainless procedural set of keystrokes (although, when you think about it, I was asking for a 3-line letter copied from an example she had right in front of her).
But before she could start, I asked if the bank had a notary. She said yes, but she was out today (insert you favorite game show or video game YOU LOSE - THANK YOU FOR PLAYING sound effect here - I like WA WA WA WAAAAA).
Still, she said it was no problem - I could take the letter down the street to the notary at the pharmacy, to which I responded - would the person she spoke to on the phone be willing to walk down to the pharmacy with me (since it was that person's signature being notarized)?
"Ohhhhhh."
At which point she smiled, because she knew she didn't have to do the letter today...
Score after 1 day: 1 Bank Rep + 2 Supervisors = 0 letters Time spent: 1 hour
On day 2, I came in ready to go... I had the card of the supervisor who had approved the unusual letter writing request. I approached customer service and asked, "Is your notary here today?" The rep (different rep, but same species, I'll call her rep2) replied yes, yelled behind her and walked away from me, before I could start my letter-writing request summary.
The notary appeared, and I said, "Sorry to bother you. I actually need a letter written before you can notarize it - can one of these reps help me with that?" She waved me off and disappeared, leaving me standing there with no one.
Rep2 finished off her latest gossiping with the other reps on duty that day, wandered back to her station near me. I started to say I needed a letter written, but she cut me off, saying "You asked for a notary, so I gave you a notary." I just smiled, and asked for the supervisor, providing the card I had taken at the last minute the day before.
I then waited for twenty minutes for the supervisor to arrive - I'll call her SuperV - she was actually very nice, listened while I explained what I needed, took the example, and said she would get someone to help her write it, and she would sign it and would get one of the notaries (emphasis on PLURAL notarIES) to notarize it.
A few more minutes go by, I'm hanging out, finally I get called up to where the letter is being worked on. In a cubicle, SuperV is hovering over rep3, who is attempting to type the letter (i think by manually carving each individual letter into a stone tablet). They ask me about which account date to use, just my name or my wife's name also, etc... another few minutes go by... finally they print a draft, and my oh my, it has everything we need... it just screams FORGERY. It's black and white, on standard issue cheap paper, it's badly centered, it's using Courier font which makes it look like it was done on an ancient typewriter. SuperV says I should have a seat and she'll have rep4 (who's a notary) take care of that part as soon as he's done (rep 4 having just started a conversation with a family of 3 about a home loan - tick, tick tick)...
Of course, I'm thinking at this point, as my stay for day 2 passes the 1 hour mark, not only do I have what looks like a forgery, but rep4 was probably around yesterday except rep1 either didn't know he was a notary or deliberately told me the notary was sick to avoid having to do the letter. tick tick tick...
Finally after 10 more minutes, rep4 emerges, the letter is signed and notarized, and I am on my way...
Final Score: 4 Bank Reps + 1 notary + 1 SuperV = 1 (forged-quality) letter
Time spent: 2.5 hours
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
did you notice...
...the changes to our adoption timeline (on the right sidebar)?? Our NY State criminal clearances came through today and I had my long awaited doctor's appointment! I also checked in with Gladney regarding our homestudy report and they, in turn, checked with our social worker who promised to have it to them today - meaning we should be Gladney-approved very soon!!
On another note, if anyone is having trouble with their holiday shopping, check out Oxfam Unwrapped and Kikoy for presents that are fun and charitable.
On another note, if anyone is having trouble with their holiday shopping, check out Oxfam Unwrapped and Kikoy for presents that are fun and charitable.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
a little of this, a little of that
I apologize in advance for what it likely to be a fairly disjointed post, as I seem to have many unrelated things on my mind at the moment.
First, I just need to vent. Oh where, oh where is our NY State criminal clearance? And why is it taking so long for our social worker to write up our homestudy report??
I sincerely apologize for every time I read a blog where someone else was venting about how hard all the waiting is during the adoption process and I self-righteously thought to myself "how could they be complaining... it's only been XX days/weeks... we were told it would take at least YY days/weeks...." I was soooo wrong! We haven't even gotten to the tough part (the wait for a referral) and I'm already struggling with a lack of patience. Not to mention all the crazy scenarios going through my head while I anxiously wait for the results of our criminal background checks, even though we should feel quite confident about this (think George Costanza in a Seinfeld episode and you'll know where my mind is going these days).
Then there's the homestudy. It looks like most other people had their homestudy reports completed within a month of their homestudy visits. We're at 3 weeks post-visit now and haven't heard a thing. This is even harder than the criminal check because we can't proceed with other steps until the report is completed. Perhaps our social worker is just trying to find enough words to describe all the fabulous things she discovered about us? ;)
Okay... enough venting. Ryan has suggested that I take up a new hobby now so that I can get through the rest of this process without losing my sanity. I think he's right. Any suggestions?
On another note.... This weekend I finished Melissa Fay Greene's book "There is no Me Without You." This seems like a rite of passage for those adopting from Ethiopia, and I have to admit I wasn't really that interested in the book when I started it. But it is truly an amazing, inspiring, and, at times, heartbreaking story about one woman's efforts to help orphans in Ethiopia. I absolutely recommend it - especially if you are planning to adopt or know someone who is adopting/has adopted from Ethiopia. In addition to the story of this particular woman, you will really learn a great deal about the AIDS crisis in Ethiopia and why so many children are in need of homes.
Speaking of which, we've talked quite a bit to friends and family about what we can all do to help children in Ethiopia. It's something Ryan and I have thought about a great deal. We don't consider the adoption to be a humanitarian act - it's far more selfish than selfless. But we do feel a strong connection to the country which will be the birthplace of our child and we know that we want to make a long-term commitment to Ethiopia. We're still exploring the best way to carry this out and will definitely share our plans with you. We appreciate so much people's interest in joining us in these efforts. For now, I have posted (on the sidebar) links to the humanitarian aid pages of our adoption agency and Melissa Fay Greene's website, where you can learn about many great organizations working in Ethiopia.
And finally, one more change of subject. I want to wish D&K congratulations on the birth of their third little girl!! We're so happy for you guys!!!
First, I just need to vent. Oh where, oh where is our NY State criminal clearance? And why is it taking so long for our social worker to write up our homestudy report??
I sincerely apologize for every time I read a blog where someone else was venting about how hard all the waiting is during the adoption process and I self-righteously thought to myself "how could they be complaining... it's only been XX days/weeks... we were told it would take at least YY days/weeks...." I was soooo wrong! We haven't even gotten to the tough part (the wait for a referral) and I'm already struggling with a lack of patience. Not to mention all the crazy scenarios going through my head while I anxiously wait for the results of our criminal background checks, even though we should feel quite confident about this (think George Costanza in a Seinfeld episode and you'll know where my mind is going these days).
Then there's the homestudy. It looks like most other people had their homestudy reports completed within a month of their homestudy visits. We're at 3 weeks post-visit now and haven't heard a thing. This is even harder than the criminal check because we can't proceed with other steps until the report is completed. Perhaps our social worker is just trying to find enough words to describe all the fabulous things she discovered about us? ;)
Okay... enough venting. Ryan has suggested that I take up a new hobby now so that I can get through the rest of this process without losing my sanity. I think he's right. Any suggestions?
On another note.... This weekend I finished Melissa Fay Greene's book "There is no Me Without You." This seems like a rite of passage for those adopting from Ethiopia, and I have to admit I wasn't really that interested in the book when I started it. But it is truly an amazing, inspiring, and, at times, heartbreaking story about one woman's efforts to help orphans in Ethiopia. I absolutely recommend it - especially if you are planning to adopt or know someone who is adopting/has adopted from Ethiopia. In addition to the story of this particular woman, you will really learn a great deal about the AIDS crisis in Ethiopia and why so many children are in need of homes.
Speaking of which, we've talked quite a bit to friends and family about what we can all do to help children in Ethiopia. It's something Ryan and I have thought about a great deal. We don't consider the adoption to be a humanitarian act - it's far more selfish than selfless. But we do feel a strong connection to the country which will be the birthplace of our child and we know that we want to make a long-term commitment to Ethiopia. We're still exploring the best way to carry this out and will definitely share our plans with you. We appreciate so much people's interest in joining us in these efforts. For now, I have posted (on the sidebar) links to the humanitarian aid pages of our adoption agency and Melissa Fay Greene's website, where you can learn about many great organizations working in Ethiopia.
And finally, one more change of subject. I want to wish D&K congratulations on the birth of their third little girl!! We're so happy for you guys!!!
Friday, November 23, 2007
we've been cleared!
I was actually intending to write a quick post today to lament about the lack of adoption-related news, but we just picked up our mail and found our FBI clearances! I don't even think it's been two weeks since we sent them in, and I was under the impression that it could take much, much longer for the FBI to process them, so it was a really nice surprise.
Now if we could just get NYS to confirm that we aren't criminals....
Now if we could just get NYS to confirm that we aren't criminals....
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
the waiting begins
Good news: New York State has confirmed that we don't have histories of child abuse! Better news: my employer prepared yet another employment verification letter for our dossier and everything looks good!! I need to fax a copy to Gladney so they can confirm, but I'm pretty confident that they finally got it right. Yay!
We are now entering the part of the process which consists mostly of waiting (a lot of waiting). We have largely tackled all of the items to meet both the agency requirements and completion of our dossier. We still need to write an essay about why we want to adopt from Ethiopia and I still haven't had my doctor's appointment (you know, the one I scheduled a hundred years ago)... but that's about all we have to do at the moment. We are waiting on NYS criminal and FBI clearances, a write-up of our homestudy visit, and we need to arrange to have our dossier documents authenticated (we will largely be relying on a service - KBS - for this)... but until some of these things happen, we don't have much to do. Kind of nice and kind of frustrating (as one might call me a bit of a control freak).
Fortunately, we have a good weekend ahead of us to help us pass the time.... Tomorrow, we are having dinner at an Ethiopian restaurant with friends, and Saturday we'll have a great night out to celebrate our anniversary, followed by brunch at my parents' house on Sunday. And next week I will begin my diet :)
We are now entering the part of the process which consists mostly of waiting (a lot of waiting). We have largely tackled all of the items to meet both the agency requirements and completion of our dossier. We still need to write an essay about why we want to adopt from Ethiopia and I still haven't had my doctor's appointment (you know, the one I scheduled a hundred years ago)... but that's about all we have to do at the moment. We are waiting on NYS criminal and FBI clearances, a write-up of our homestudy visit, and we need to arrange to have our dossier documents authenticated (we will largely be relying on a service - KBS - for this)... but until some of these things happen, we don't have much to do. Kind of nice and kind of frustrating (as one might call me a bit of a control freak).
Fortunately, we have a good weekend ahead of us to help us pass the time.... Tomorrow, we are having dinner at an Ethiopian restaurant with friends, and Saturday we'll have a great night out to celebrate our anniversary, followed by brunch at my parents' house on Sunday. And next week I will begin my diet :)
Monday, November 12, 2007
home cookin'
Not much news on the adoption front, but I promised to update you on our cooking lesson. It was a lot of fun and we (ok, Ryan) learned some great new recipes and cooking techniques. If anyone in the NYC area is ever looking for a great gift idea, I'd highly recommend the company - Home Cooking New York. We did a Spanish menu (paella, tortilla espanola, garlic shrimp, tomato bread, and a pineapple dessert), but they'll do pretty much anything you want. We'll be eating well all week long!
(ej was hoping to take part too)
(ej was hoping to take part too)
Saturday, November 10, 2007
ups and downs
The last few days have been pretty uneventful here. I obtained another employment verification letter for our dossier and... it is still wrong! I've been assured that another revised copy is on its way to me - hopefully, it will be waiting for me when I get back to the office after the long weekend. So much effort for such a simple letter. I have to admit though, our HR Dept. has been super accommodating about providing the letter (the normal policy is to provide verifications via a web-based system, but that won't work for our purposes). They never even asked why I needed the letter, which is huge for me, since I'm not ready to talk about our adoption plans at work.
We have had our share of frustrations trying to obtain certain documents from our employers, insurance providers, and the government... and we also experienced stress and sorrow earlier in the process when our agency put us on hold due to some pending changes in the Ethiopian adoption laws which would have made us ineligible to adopt at this time (there is still a small chance that the laws could change at any point and that our adoption will be postponed by several months). But more than not, the process has moved smoothly and we expect to complete our adoption around the time we originally hoped.
Sadly, yesterday I received a very stark reminder about the uncertainty that surrounds adoptions. As we have moved through this process, I have found myself a bit addicted to the blogs of others also going through the adoption process. The blogs provide a great wealth of information about the process, what to expect, etc., and also create a community of people sharing similar experiences. So it was terribly heartbreaking to come across a post on the blog of one woman, also adopting from Ethiopia, who had received a referral last month (i.e. she had been matched with a child and was just waiting for her court date to make the adoption official), only to learn that the birth parents changed their minds about relinquishing their daughter. I am so sad for her and cannot imagine the pain she feels right now. I hope that her story will have a happy ending very soon.
Anyhow, I don't mean to be writing such a depressing post... As I've said, we could not be happier or more excited about adopting and becoming parents. But we are also guarded and cautious, and hope that our friends and family can bear with us and understand that the process of adopting is like being on a roller coaster, with lots of ups and downs.
With that, I am going to get back to enjoying the long weekend. We are having a personal in-home cooking lesson tonight, so I'll try to take a few pictures of our spanish-flavored creations and post more on that tomorrow!
We have had our share of frustrations trying to obtain certain documents from our employers, insurance providers, and the government... and we also experienced stress and sorrow earlier in the process when our agency put us on hold due to some pending changes in the Ethiopian adoption laws which would have made us ineligible to adopt at this time (there is still a small chance that the laws could change at any point and that our adoption will be postponed by several months). But more than not, the process has moved smoothly and we expect to complete our adoption around the time we originally hoped.
Sadly, yesterday I received a very stark reminder about the uncertainty that surrounds adoptions. As we have moved through this process, I have found myself a bit addicted to the blogs of others also going through the adoption process. The blogs provide a great wealth of information about the process, what to expect, etc., and also create a community of people sharing similar experiences. So it was terribly heartbreaking to come across a post on the blog of one woman, also adopting from Ethiopia, who had received a referral last month (i.e. she had been matched with a child and was just waiting for her court date to make the adoption official), only to learn that the birth parents changed their minds about relinquishing their daughter. I am so sad for her and cannot imagine the pain she feels right now. I hope that her story will have a happy ending very soon.
Anyhow, I don't mean to be writing such a depressing post... As I've said, we could not be happier or more excited about adopting and becoming parents. But we are also guarded and cautious, and hope that our friends and family can bear with us and understand that the process of adopting is like being on a roller coaster, with lots of ups and downs.
With that, I am going to get back to enjoying the long weekend. We are having a personal in-home cooking lesson tonight, so I'll try to take a few pictures of our spanish-flavored creations and post more on that tomorrow!
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
we've been studied
I see that my dog (?) already shared his thoughts on the homestudy (we always knew EJ was special), but thought I'd add a few words...
So, yes, the homestudy was yesterday. I think overall it went very well. The only downside was that after all our cleaning, the social worker barely checked out our sparkling clean apartment! Anyhow, even though it lasted almost three hours, it went by really quickly, and there was nothing that really surprised us or caught us off-guard. And EJ was on his best behavior (thanks to a really good new bone).
It is definitely a milestone - although there is still a lot (A LOT) of waiting ahead of us, we have largely completed the paperwork involved in the adoption process, and completion of the homestudy will enable us to proceed with the final steps (agency and DHS/CIS approvals and ultimately submission of our file to Ethiopia). Up until recently, the idea that we would one day bring home a child seemed like something so far off, something we talked about over and over, but was too far in the future to really plan for. We are starting to realize that this future is not quite so distant.
One more note - we owe our friends and family many, many (belated) thank-yous for taking the time to write such kind words about us and providing references for us. We feel really lucky to have such wonderful people in our lives.
So, yes, the homestudy was yesterday. I think overall it went very well. The only downside was that after all our cleaning, the social worker barely checked out our sparkling clean apartment! Anyhow, even though it lasted almost three hours, it went by really quickly, and there was nothing that really surprised us or caught us off-guard. And EJ was on his best behavior (thanks to a really good new bone).
It is definitely a milestone - although there is still a lot (A LOT) of waiting ahead of us, we have largely completed the paperwork involved in the adoption process, and completion of the homestudy will enable us to proceed with the final steps (agency and DHS/CIS approvals and ultimately submission of our file to Ethiopia). Up until recently, the idea that we would one day bring home a child seemed like something so far off, something we talked about over and over, but was too far in the future to really plan for. We are starting to realize that this future is not quite so distant.
One more note - we owe our friends and family many, many (belated) thank-yous for taking the time to write such kind words about us and providing references for us. We feel really lucky to have such wonderful people in our lives.
Living on the ej: Strange Lady in our House
So I figured since my picture has been up here a couple times already, I needed to get on board with this whole adoption thing. I guess it really is happening - I mean this lady was in my pad yesterday for like 3 hours asking my people questions about adoption, writing things down, blah blah blah (taking away quality petting & fetch time if you ask me). From what I gather, mer & ry weren't kidding around when they said I would be getting a little brother one of these days. I guess I'm ok with it - my cousin Matthew is a cool kid to play with - so as long as we can be clear that my bones are my bones, we should be all good, especially if he's a quick study on the art of opening kitchen drawers (one in particular known to have fabulous yummy TREATSSSS!!!). Sorry, lost control for a minute there, speaking of which, I've got some important business to take care of, so ciao (chow?) for now.
Arf!
ej
Arf!
ej
Monday, November 5, 2007
progress!
A busy morning here... We got fingerprinted for the state and fbi clearances and made our way to the county clerk to pick up a certified copy of our marriage certificate. Both efforts were successful, but if NYC ever wants any advice about how to improve their process for obtaining a copy of a marriage certificate to make it easier or less confusing, please feel free to give me a call. Thank goodness that Ryan is so patient and can make me laugh under any circumstance, because I was definitely not feeling so happy a few hours ago!
Now we're back to cleaning.... More thanks to Ryan because he continues to work hard, while I am enjoying a coffee break. I have the best husband.
Now we're back to cleaning.... More thanks to Ryan because he continues to work hard, while I am enjoying a coffee break. I have the best husband.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
running around
It was marathon day here in NYC, so Ryan and I went to Central Park for a bit to watch the runners and look for one of my friends who was running (we saw him just shy of the finish line and he looked terrific!!). I am always so in awe of the runners.... I would actually love to run the marathon myself and like to think that one day I might go for it (I write this even though I currently run way less than I did a couple of years ago... which is way less than it was a few years before that... you get the point). Anyway, we did hit the gym tonight and I had a better run than I have in a while (if nothing else, seeing 38,000 people running 26.2 miles is excellent motivation for a workout!).
On the adoption front, we're hoping to go to the county clerk tomorrow in person to get a certified copy of our marriage certificate (if you've seen my posts below, you understand that trying to obtain it by mail seems to be a lost cause) and to go get fingerprinted for the state criminal clearance and FBI clearance.
We are also gearing up for our homestudy on Tuesday - i.e. cleaning, cleaning and more cleaning (fortunately, we're both off from work tomorrow, because we did not exactly make great strides on that front today). I have to admit that sometimes this whole process doesn't quite feel real, but I imagine the homestudy will change that a bit. It will actually be the first time we meet with anyone from our agency in person. Everything else we've done so far has been by phone, email, and in writing. The homestudy is also the final step before our agency officially "approves" us, so it's definitely a milestone.
I don't have much more to share today, but we'll definitely check in after our homstudy visit - hopefully to say that it went very well.
On the adoption front, we're hoping to go to the county clerk tomorrow in person to get a certified copy of our marriage certificate (if you've seen my posts below, you understand that trying to obtain it by mail seems to be a lost cause) and to go get fingerprinted for the state criminal clearance and FBI clearance.
We are also gearing up for our homestudy on Tuesday - i.e. cleaning, cleaning and more cleaning (fortunately, we're both off from work tomorrow, because we did not exactly make great strides on that front today). I have to admit that sometimes this whole process doesn't quite feel real, but I imagine the homestudy will change that a bit. It will actually be the first time we meet with anyone from our agency in person. Everything else we've done so far has been by phone, email, and in writing. The homestudy is also the final step before our agency officially "approves" us, so it's definitely a milestone.
I don't have much more to share today, but we'll definitely check in after our homstudy visit - hopefully to say that it went very well.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Trick or Treat!
EJ's Halloween Costume (Syracuse Univ. Basketball Player)
Now that I know people are checking in on our blog regularly, I feel compelled to try to update it frequently. Problem is, the adoption process doesn't always move so fast. In fact, sometimes it feels like it's moving in the wrong direction (see post below re. our attempt to get another certified copy of our marriage certificate). I also learned today that while my employment verification letter is sufficient for our agency's purposes, I will need to obtain another one for our dossier because the notary statement (you know, the part where it normally says "subscribed and sworn to me...") is not formatted appropriately. Oh well. What fun would this process be without a few bumps in the road :) Next up is our homestudy. I'm oddly calm about it now, but check in with me again this weekend when we're trying to clean our apartment and get things ready.
What else?
Happy Halloween to everyone!! My goal today was to hand out more candy than I ate and I think I succeeded (although not by much!). So much fun to see all the kids dressed up. To think that next year we could be trick-or-treating with our own child.... Still very surreal.
It was also fun to see all the adults dressed up, although I'm not sure if that was due entirely to the fact that it's Halloween - this is New York City after all. I am still trying to decide if the man I saw at lunch wearing tin foil on his head was dressed for Halloween or just because (I'm actually leaning towards the latter).
Guess that's it for now. Be back soon.
Monday, October 29, 2007
does this work?
What do you do if you're stuck in a 2 day CLE on "Outsourcing and Offshoring Transactions" and you're a bit... um... bored halfway through day 1? Well, if you're me, you start playing with your blackberry in an effort to keep yourself entertained. (It is sad, I know.) Anyway, I think I figured out how to blog from my blackberry- woo hoo! (to be confirmed when I hit the "post" button after I finish writing). This is a big deal for me, as I am quite technologically challenged! Anyhow, I don't actually have any news to share. I'm just very excited about my new skill.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
introducing e.j.
Forgive me for a moment while I vent about the NY State process for obtaining a certified copy of a marriage certificate. We went online to the NYS Dept. of Health website and downloaded the form for "Obtaining a Copy of a Marriage Certificate." We filled it out, wrote our check for the stated amount and sent it in to the address listed on top of the form. A week or so later, NYS returned the form and check to us with a letter saying that there is a different address for requesting certificates of marriages that took place in NYC and to please send our form and check there. We did. This week we received it back again. Now we're being told that not only is there a third address for sending the form... but we need to fill out an entirely different form and the fee is different (lower than what we'd initially sent, so I guess that's the only good thing?). What's up New York? Why are you making this so difficult??
Okay... just had to get that out.
In other news, I've been asked why we don't have any pictures or personal details on this site. I guess we're sort of in this strange place of having shared our adoption plans with close friends and family (oh yeah - and anyone with internet access who may come across this blog!), while still trying to keep the news relatively secret. For various reasons, we're not ready to spread the word far and wide just yet. Kind of like a pregnant couple in the early stages of the pregnancy - although we can't quite figure out exactly where we are in our "pregnancy" ;)
Anyhow, in an effort to make this blog a little more personal, here's a picture of the real star of our family (would post pictures of us, but I assure you, he's much, much cuter). I've been trying to prepare him for the arrival of a new family member, but I'm not sure he's very interested; I think he's quite happy being the center of attention.
Okay... just had to get that out.
In other news, I've been asked why we don't have any pictures or personal details on this site. I guess we're sort of in this strange place of having shared our adoption plans with close friends and family (oh yeah - and anyone with internet access who may come across this blog!), while still trying to keep the news relatively secret. For various reasons, we're not ready to spread the word far and wide just yet. Kind of like a pregnant couple in the early stages of the pregnancy - although we can't quite figure out exactly where we are in our "pregnancy" ;)
Anyhow, in an effort to make this blog a little more personal, here's a picture of the real star of our family (would post pictures of us, but I assure you, he's much, much cuter). I've been trying to prepare him for the arrival of a new family member, but I'm not sure he's very interested; I think he's quite happy being the center of attention.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
application complete (sort of)!
So we have just about completed our application paperwork - yeah! Technically I still owe Gladney a form from my doctor signing off on my good health - just waiting for my Nov. appt with my suddenly very, very busy doctor. In ten years of seeing him, I never had to wait for an appointment - now it's a 6 week wait. Ugh! But otherwise we're done with paperwork.... at least for a little while.
And now we sit and wait. Wait for certified copies of birth certificates and our marriage certificate... wait for our criminal (state and fbi) and child abuse clearance checks to be processed... wait for our homestudy visit to be completed.... wait for DHS to send us an appointment for fingerprinting (which will be set #3)..... blah, blah, blah. Then we'll finish pulling together a few more documents and forms for the dossier that we send to Ethiopia.... and we'll wait some more.
Kidding aside, the process has been fairly smooth so far. The biggest challenge was trying to locate the street number of a college apartment I lived in for a few months in 1993. I somehow managed to make it through the NY State Bar's background screening process without this valuable information (I know this because thank goodness I actually still had a copy of my application to the Bar, where I was also asked for every address I'd lived at), but it seems NY State is a lot tougher on potential adoptive parents than it is on potential lawyers (feel free to insert lawyer joke here).
Anyhow, I think we're making good progress and moving along at the pace we hoped. Funny though, I sometimes look at how much we've done and can't help but feeling like things are moving so quickly, only to realize that we are still very much at the beginning of this process and still have a long way to go. Lots more to come....
And now we sit and wait. Wait for certified copies of birth certificates and our marriage certificate... wait for our criminal (state and fbi) and child abuse clearance checks to be processed... wait for our homestudy visit to be completed.... wait for DHS to send us an appointment for fingerprinting (which will be set #3)..... blah, blah, blah. Then we'll finish pulling together a few more documents and forms for the dossier that we send to Ethiopia.... and we'll wait some more.
Kidding aside, the process has been fairly smooth so far. The biggest challenge was trying to locate the street number of a college apartment I lived in for a few months in 1993. I somehow managed to make it through the NY State Bar's background screening process without this valuable information (I know this because thank goodness I actually still had a copy of my application to the Bar, where I was also asked for every address I'd lived at), but it seems NY State is a lot tougher on potential adoptive parents than it is on potential lawyers (feel free to insert lawyer joke here).
Anyhow, I think we're making good progress and moving along at the pace we hoped. Funny though, I sometimes look at how much we've done and can't help but feeling like things are moving so quickly, only to realize that we are still very much at the beginning of this process and still have a long way to go. Lots more to come....
Sunday, October 21, 2007
faq's
Not surprisingly, once people hear that we are adopting, we get lots of questions: why adoption? why Ethiopia? what's the process like? have you considered surrogacy (yes - this one keeps coming up) or [fill-in-the-blank] other options for having a child? I don't really mind the questions. I'm glad that people are interested and I understand that they are curious about how we came to our decision.
Adoption was always our "plan a." We knew from day one that we would pursue adoption when we ready to expand our family. It's simply something we both believe in deeply. Sure, we've talked about lots of other possibilities, but there was never really a question that adoption would be for us.
Choosing a program was a little bit harder. Sadly, there are so many children in need worldwide. On a practical level, we felt that the Ethiopia program requirements, the time frame, the costs, the process, etc. were a good fit for us... We've both been to Africa and felt a connection to the area. We wanted to adopt from a country we were likely to travel to in the years to come with our child. And we have been comforted by what we have read about Ethiopia's approach to their orphans and adoption. Once we started focusing in on Ethiopia, we never looked back....
I imagine I'll be venting here about the process quite a bit as we continue on. It's mostly a lot (a lot!!) of paperwork and what seems like 100 sets of fingerprints (okay, maybe only three). Proof of employment, proof of insurance, birth certificates, marriage certificates, proof of our good health... Making sure we've dotted all our i's and crossed our t's... and becoming very friendly with notaries. We're struggling to recall all our various addresses since 1973 (m: 12; r: 10 - we think) for our state criminal clearance (not to be confused with the fbi clearance we'll need). And we're anxiously awaiting a homestudy visit from a social worker in the next couple of weeks. This post is already too long, so I won't describe every step now... needless to say, we think it is all worth it.
Adoption was always our "plan a." We knew from day one that we would pursue adoption when we ready to expand our family. It's simply something we both believe in deeply. Sure, we've talked about lots of other possibilities, but there was never really a question that adoption would be for us.
Choosing a program was a little bit harder. Sadly, there are so many children in need worldwide. On a practical level, we felt that the Ethiopia program requirements, the time frame, the costs, the process, etc. were a good fit for us... We've both been to Africa and felt a connection to the area. We wanted to adopt from a country we were likely to travel to in the years to come with our child. And we have been comforted by what we have read about Ethiopia's approach to their orphans and adoption. Once we started focusing in on Ethiopia, we never looked back....
I imagine I'll be venting here about the process quite a bit as we continue on. It's mostly a lot (a lot!!) of paperwork and what seems like 100 sets of fingerprints (okay, maybe only three). Proof of employment, proof of insurance, birth certificates, marriage certificates, proof of our good health... Making sure we've dotted all our i's and crossed our t's... and becoming very friendly with notaries. We're struggling to recall all our various addresses since 1973 (m: 12; r: 10 - we think) for our state criminal clearance (not to be confused with the fbi clearance we'll need). And we're anxiously awaiting a homestudy visit from a social worker in the next couple of weeks. This post is already too long, so I won't describe every step now... needless to say, we think it is all worth it.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
here we go!
After months (years?) of talking about it, we've taken the plunge and started the adoption process. Most of the application paperwork is in and we're gearing up for the rest (homestudy, fingerprints... and a lot of waiting). I've been diligently reading so many others' blogs and following them on their journeys, I thought it was time to join in. Stay tuned for more about how we came to this decision, what the process has been like and what lies ahead.
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