How many bankers does it take to write a form letter?

So part of the dossier package is a letter from a bank that states you have an account in good standing. It amounts to about 3 sentences and a date on letterhead with a notarized signature. How much effort does it take to get such a letter from our bank of choice?

Well, we have an example letter provided by our agency, which I brought to my local branch. I approached the customer service desk, made my request indicating that my wife and I were in an adoption process, provided the example letter, and was told I could be given an automated account verification letter, which the rep proceeded to print out before I could respond with, "Thank you, but that type of letter won't work for me," (The automated letter contains balances, no signature, and thus no ability to notarize a signature).

I suggested that I knew this to be an unusual request, but perhaps someone could type out a letter to match the example I had attempted to provide. The woman looked at me as if I had insulted her, and said, sorry, she couldn't do that.

So in as calm a tone as I could muster, I stared the woman down and said, "You do realize that without this letter, I can't adopt my child. Perhaps there is someone else who could offer some assistance." This seemed to have the intended effect. She called one person, who blew her off (I continued staring). She called a second person, who after a few minutes of negotiating, instructed the rep to type the letter, which could then be signed by the supervisor.

My rep now took her seat behind her terminal and I could see the wheels starting to turn - I think it was going to be the first time since I don't know when that she was going to have to do a task that was not a brainless procedural set of keystrokes (although, when you think about it, I was asking for a 3-line letter copied from an example she had right in front of her).

But before she could start, I asked if the bank had a notary. She said yes, but she was out today (insert you favorite game show or video game YOU LOSE - THANK YOU FOR PLAYING sound effect here - I like WA WA WA WAAAAA).

Still, she said it was no problem - I could take the letter down the street to the notary at the pharmacy, to which I responded - would the person she spoke to on the phone be willing to walk down to the pharmacy with me (since it was that person's signature being notarized)?

"Ohhhhhh."

At which point she smiled, because she knew she didn't have to do the letter today...

Score after 1 day: 1 Bank Rep + 2 Supervisors = 0 letters Time spent: 1 hour

On day 2, I came in ready to go... I had the card of the supervisor who had approved the unusual letter writing request. I approached customer service and asked, "Is your notary here today?" The rep (different rep, but same species, I'll call her rep2) replied yes, yelled behind her and walked away from me, before I could start my letter-writing request summary.

The notary appeared, and I said, "Sorry to bother you. I actually need a letter written before you can notarize it - can one of these reps help me with that?" She waved me off and disappeared, leaving me standing there with no one.

Rep2 finished off her latest gossiping with the other reps on duty that day, wandered back to her station near me. I started to say I needed a letter written, but she cut me off, saying "You asked for a notary, so I gave you a notary." I just smiled, and asked for the supervisor, providing the card I had taken at the last minute the day before.

I then waited for twenty minutes for the supervisor to arrive - I'll call her SuperV - she was actually very nice, listened while I explained what I needed, took the example, and said she would get someone to help her write it, and she would sign it and would get one of the notaries (emphasis on PLURAL notarIES) to notarize it.

A few more minutes go by, I'm hanging out, finally I get called up to where the letter is being worked on. In a cubicle, SuperV is hovering over rep3, who is attempting to type the letter (i think by manually carving each individual letter into a stone tablet). They ask me about which account date to use, just my name or my wife's name also, etc... another few minutes go by... finally they print a draft, and my oh my, it has everything we need... it just screams FORGERY. It's black and white, on standard issue cheap paper, it's badly centered, it's using Courier font which makes it look like it was done on an ancient typewriter. SuperV says I should have a seat and she'll have rep4 (who's a notary) take care of that part as soon as he's done (rep 4 having just started a conversation with a family of 3 about a home loan - tick, tick tick)...

Of course, I'm thinking at this point, as my stay for day 2 passes the 1 hour mark, not only do I have what looks like a forgery, but rep4 was probably around yesterday except rep1 either didn't know he was a notary or deliberately told me the notary was sick to avoid having to do the letter. tick tick tick...

Finally after 10 more minutes, rep4 emerges, the letter is signed and notarized, and I am on my way...

Final Score: 4 Bank Reps + 1 notary + 1 SuperV = 1 (forged-quality) letter

Time spent: 2.5 hours