Some of you have probably already heard the news: the requirements for adoption in Ethiopia are changing again. Specifically, families will now be required to make two trips to Ethiopia in order to complete the adoption - one trip for the Ethiopian court date (this is new; families used to be represented by their agencies at court) and one for the embassy appointment/trip to take home your adopted child.
We learned very quickly last time around that the best motto for international adoption is "expect the unexpected," so we are taking this in stride. Surprised that the unexpected is upon us so soon into the process, but not getting too worked up about it. I figure we have a good year (at least!) to go before we are traveling to Ethiopia, and I can only imagine what other surprises are waiting for us!
That is not to say that this doesn't get us talking. Even though we are nowhere near having to worry about travel, I can't help but start running the possibilities through my mind.
Will we take Simon with us? Initially, we thought no - although we very much look forward to the day when we will be able to take Simon on a trip to Ethiopia (hopefully, more than one trip), he will probably be only 3 or 3 1/2 when we travel for adoption #2 and at that age, I don't think he will be old enough to appreciate much about the trip. To the contrary, such a demanding trip where our focus will be elsewhere is likely to be more confusing and stressful for him, than it is exciting and enlightening. But two big trips away from him in a period of just a few weeks or months is also difficult to imagine. So maybe he comes with us on trip 1 and vacations at Grandma's and Grandpa's during trip 2? Hmmm...
Will we take advantage of trip 1 to see more of Ethiopia? We regretted last time that we did not spend time touring Ethiopia (outside of Addis) when we traveled to pick up Simon. Of course, we were so anxious to meet Simon that we couldn't really imagine being in Ethiopia and not going directly to meet him. And I expect we will feel the same this time around. But as we will not be able to travel home with our child on trip 1... well maybe that makes it the perfect opportunity to do some touring.
There are lots of other thoughts and questions too. Will these changes affect other aspects of the process? What other surprises lie ahead? How will we ever manage to leave Ethiopia at the end of our first trip and the opportunity to meet our child? Are we really going to be able to stay cool and calm throughout the rest of the process? I already know the answer to that one: of course not! ;)
And so it goes. Our perspective is different this time, having been through the process before, but for sure the process can still be challenging. But we are up for it.
In more immediate news... other than this little surprise, we are moving along fairly well in adoption round 2. We have our homestudy tomorrow (talk about a different perspective - this time in 2007, we were frantically cleaning every nook of our apartment; tonight, I'm chilling on the couch (and blogging)). And we are closing in on the paperwork requirements, although I still haven't set foot in my bank. No matter how cool and calm we may be or how much we learned from our last adoption, some things just don't get any easier!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
it's all coming back to me now
Since the secret is out, we might as well take advantage of the opportunity to share, vent about, ask for help, and record the journey to our second child here on guzo. This blog became such an important aspect of our adoption of Simon - it enabled us to meet so many other adoptive families, provided an outlet for channeling some of the frustrations and sadness we encountered along the way, and, most importantly, captures the best record of our journey to meet Simon and the first year+ of our lives together. So I am excited to be writing again for our guzo - part 2.
To catch everyone up... pretty much since bringing Simon home in 2008, we had said we would not even talk about starting adoption #2 until 2010. Of course, that didn't hold true at all. When we would adopt again and whether it would be one child or two, an infant or an older child, etc. was a pretty common topic of conversation for a lot of the last year and a half. But we didn't get serious until late last year, and we agreed that if all was well, we would start the process again this year. And so it began.
We called Gladney shortly after the start of the year for our re-orientation and to get a feel for where things were with the Ethiopian adoption program, etc., and then we slowly started getting things in order. By mid-February we delivered to Gladney our application and most of the supporting documents, filed our CIS I600-A, and scheduled doctor appointments, requested employer letters, etc. Since we had copies of all our paperwork from Simon's adoption, the Gladney application process has generally been easier and quicker.
Today we started our day with a fingerprinting appointment for our state criminal and child abuse clearances, moved on to another fingerprinting stop for our FBI clearances, and then ended with a good lunch and some serious shopping (okay the last part has nothing to do with the adoption, but hey, it was really fun and worth a mention!). So we are moving along pretty well.
But here's the thing: I cannot bring myself to go into my bank and ask for the all important bank letter. I just can't deal with it. If you recall, the bank letter turned out to be one of the hardest documents for us to get last time around (check here and here if you need to refresh your memory). I know it's kind of silly, but I'm just dreading it. I don't even think I was this thrown by taking the bar exam!
I know I need to get over my dread pretty quickly. We'll have our homestudy next week and our doctors' appointments later this month. And we only need to get a couple of more documents together for our dossier, so we are on track to complete our paperwork in the next month or so. If I actually can get myself to a bank, that is ;)
Of course, there are still lots of things that are not in our control - i.e. processing of our criminal clearances and CIS fingerprinting and approval - that can mean we are still months away from being on the waitlist for a referral (and we are hearing that both of those things have been taking longer for families in our area these days). And even then, our waits for a referral and court date are expected to be far longer than they were for Simon's adoption... so we still have a very long haul ahead of us.
I will get a timeline up on the blog soon and will do my best to keep you updated on the process. For now, I can say that we are moving steadily along and trying to be optimistic, to remain pretty laid back and most importantly to maintain a sense of humor about the insanity that inevitably lies ahead.
To catch everyone up... pretty much since bringing Simon home in 2008, we had said we would not even talk about starting adoption #2 until 2010. Of course, that didn't hold true at all. When we would adopt again and whether it would be one child or two, an infant or an older child, etc. was a pretty common topic of conversation for a lot of the last year and a half. But we didn't get serious until late last year, and we agreed that if all was well, we would start the process again this year. And so it began.
We called Gladney shortly after the start of the year for our re-orientation and to get a feel for where things were with the Ethiopian adoption program, etc., and then we slowly started getting things in order. By mid-February we delivered to Gladney our application and most of the supporting documents, filed our CIS I600-A, and scheduled doctor appointments, requested employer letters, etc. Since we had copies of all our paperwork from Simon's adoption, the Gladney application process has generally been easier and quicker.
Today we started our day with a fingerprinting appointment for our state criminal and child abuse clearances, moved on to another fingerprinting stop for our FBI clearances, and then ended with a good lunch and some serious shopping (okay the last part has nothing to do with the adoption, but hey, it was really fun and worth a mention!). So we are moving along pretty well.
But here's the thing: I cannot bring myself to go into my bank and ask for the all important bank letter. I just can't deal with it. If you recall, the bank letter turned out to be one of the hardest documents for us to get last time around (check here and here if you need to refresh your memory). I know it's kind of silly, but I'm just dreading it. I don't even think I was this thrown by taking the bar exam!
I know I need to get over my dread pretty quickly. We'll have our homestudy next week and our doctors' appointments later this month. And we only need to get a couple of more documents together for our dossier, so we are on track to complete our paperwork in the next month or so. If I actually can get myself to a bank, that is ;)
Of course, there are still lots of things that are not in our control - i.e. processing of our criminal clearances and CIS fingerprinting and approval - that can mean we are still months away from being on the waitlist for a referral (and we are hearing that both of those things have been taking longer for families in our area these days). And even then, our waits for a referral and court date are expected to be far longer than they were for Simon's adoption... so we still have a very long haul ahead of us.
I will get a timeline up on the blog soon and will do my best to keep you updated on the process. For now, I can say that we are moving steadily along and trying to be optimistic, to remain pretty laid back and most importantly to maintain a sense of humor about the insanity that inevitably lies ahead.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
take two!
Two months into the new year and we are already off to a busy 2010!
We are just back from arelaxing active family vacation to Mexico (not that we didn't expect it, but traveling with a two year old is a bit more challenging different than traveling as a couple). Still, we had a great time (even got to stay an extra day due to our flight being canceled because of all the snow back home) and I'm thinking Simon is already on his way to being an intrepid traveler! I will write more on the trip soon and, of course, post a few pictures of our adventures.
We also celebrated Simon's second birthday (photos below). We braved a party at home this year and survived without any major spills, injuries, or temper tantrums! In other words... a major success!!
It is amazing to watch Simon these days - with every passing day he seems more and more grown up. New words, new skills, new tricks, new games. He is trying to establish some sense of independence and control over his own life and also becoming more social. It is sometimes funny, sometimes maddening, and always fun to watch.
And we certainly cannot forget about EJ - he recently celebrated his fifth birthday!! Our once only "child" has had to deal with lots of changes over the past year and a half and he hasn't always been too happy about them, but we love Mr. J as much as ever, and we know that as soon as Simon understands that EJ is not a riding toy, doesn't like to be poked in the eyes, and doesn't really enjoy the "game" of being chased... they will be best friends! After all, EJ does get lots of extra table food thanks to Simon ;)
Finally, because we don't think we have enough chaos around here, we are, as some of you already know, in the process of adopting again. The paperchase has started... first round of fingerprints are booked... our homestudy is on the calendar... and lots of new blog material is ahead! Although we expect to be able to complete most of the paperwork fairly quickly, we understand that things are moving much more slowly in the adoption world these days, so we don't expect to be bringing a child home before this time next year (and that is really best, best case scenario). So, we are keeping cool (for the moment), while we gear up for all the madness that round 2 is sure to bring. Stay tuned....
We are just back from a
We also celebrated Simon's second birthday (photos below). We braved a party at home this year and survived without any major spills, injuries, or temper tantrums! In other words... a major success!!
It is amazing to watch Simon these days - with every passing day he seems more and more grown up. New words, new skills, new tricks, new games. He is trying to establish some sense of independence and control over his own life and also becoming more social. It is sometimes funny, sometimes maddening, and always fun to watch.
And we certainly cannot forget about EJ - he recently celebrated his fifth birthday!! Our once only "child" has had to deal with lots of changes over the past year and a half and he hasn't always been too happy about them, but we love Mr. J as much as ever, and we know that as soon as Simon understands that EJ is not a riding toy, doesn't like to be poked in the eyes, and doesn't really enjoy the "game" of being chased... they will be best friends! After all, EJ does get lots of extra table food thanks to Simon ;)
Finally, because we don't think we have enough chaos around here, we are, as some of you already know, in the process of adopting again. The paperchase has started... first round of fingerprints are booked... our homestudy is on the calendar... and lots of new blog material is ahead! Although we expect to be able to complete most of the paperwork fairly quickly, we understand that things are moving much more slowly in the adoption world these days, so we don't expect to be bringing a child home before this time next year (and that is really best, best case scenario). So, we are keeping cool (for the moment), while we gear up for all the madness that round 2 is sure to bring. Stay tuned....
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
roller coasters
I've written so many times before that the process of adopting a child can feel like an emotional roller coaster. We've certainly chronicled here the ride that was the paperwork process and the waiting (and waiting and waiting), and also the ups and downs of meeting our son and coming home and beginning our life together as a family. And I think we often focus on those aspects of the adoption as being the most crazy, emotion-filled, and challenging, and sometimes even as if they are the most amazing and meaningful ones. But the further we settle into life together and the crazy becomes the mundane, the more I realize that the roller coaster ride of this adoption has barely begun.
It has been a long time since we were in the routine of waking up in the middle of the night to tend to Simon, but every now and then we still have one of those nights where he can't get to sleep or he wakes up upset. Calming him down usually consists of me holding him and rocking him. Sometimes we dance around his room listening to lullabies. I usually whisper silly things to him - we talk about his stuffed animals and toys and about the fun things we'll do the next day - and a few not-so-silly things - like how much Ryan and I love him and how lucky we are.... (Not so) Secretly, I love these moments.
And sometimes in those moments, I momentarily lose my breath - literally. As if someone punched me in the gut. Because it is in those moments that I find myself thinking about the fact that Simon has a biological family somewhere in Ethiopia, and they will never get to experience these moments. And he will never get to know this family. My heart is so full for what this family has given to me and yet it aches so much for them too. I sometimes wonder if I will ever fully be able to reconcile these feelings.
Simon is far too young to really comprehend these things, but I know that someday he will. And then, when the paperwork is far, far behind us, and the roller coaster seems to have slowed down, I imagine we will find ourselves racing again up and down hills and through loops, trying to understand things about this world that may never really make sense. Because this roller coaster ride is not one that ends when the adoption process is complete. It is a part of our family and it goes on and on and on....
It has been a long time since we were in the routine of waking up in the middle of the night to tend to Simon, but every now and then we still have one of those nights where he can't get to sleep or he wakes up upset. Calming him down usually consists of me holding him and rocking him. Sometimes we dance around his room listening to lullabies. I usually whisper silly things to him - we talk about his stuffed animals and toys and about the fun things we'll do the next day - and a few not-so-silly things - like how much Ryan and I love him and how lucky we are.... (Not so) Secretly, I love these moments.
And sometimes in those moments, I momentarily lose my breath - literally. As if someone punched me in the gut. Because it is in those moments that I find myself thinking about the fact that Simon has a biological family somewhere in Ethiopia, and they will never get to experience these moments. And he will never get to know this family. My heart is so full for what this family has given to me and yet it aches so much for them too. I sometimes wonder if I will ever fully be able to reconcile these feelings.
Simon is far too young to really comprehend these things, but I know that someday he will. And then, when the paperwork is far, far behind us, and the roller coaster seems to have slowed down, I imagine we will find ourselves racing again up and down hills and through loops, trying to understand things about this world that may never really make sense. Because this roller coaster ride is not one that ends when the adoption process is complete. It is a part of our family and it goes on and on and on....
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