I'm going to apologize up front. My shrink Stella is on vacation in the Hampton's (so is everyone else in Manhattan except us), so I'm a little out of it. But Ry said writing can be cathartic, so here goes...
I get it. The crib. The clothes. The toys I can't touch. I've seen the photos of the little pipsqueak. And I know what's coming next - the cooing, the crying, the drooling, and the smells... I guess it was inevitable, but I was holding out some small shred of hope that this whole adoption thing wasn't really happening - Stella says this is called, "Floating down De-Nial." Whatever. I'm not a fan of water anyway.
But I mean really, do we need any more cuteness in this house? Aren't I enough? And what's all the excitement about? Congratulations Guys - we'll never sleep soundly again! This is so great, we're so happy for you - time to consolidate all your stuff to make room for a mountain of baby items - Great! Being a parent is going to change your life - Uh, DUHHH!
What about my daily dose of belly rubs? What about fetch? What about the 3 of us lounging on the couch dozing off to reality tv in peace?
Stella says I am priming myself for feelings of resentment towards Simon. I say, I'm way past resentment sister. We're talking about belly rubs. Belly rubs are my life.
So I've been watching the Olympics, and the Serbian guy who lost to Phelps by .01 in the 100m fly gave me an idea:
I am hereby protesting the result of this adoption on the grounds that it infringes on my rights as king of this domicile.
I did not authorize this process. That social worker person back last November didn't ask me how I would feel about this or if I thought Mer and Ry were equipped to be good parents of a child. And aren't I in the best position to know?
And what if he doesn't like dogs? I saw the development checklist. He makes eye contact, he laughs, he cries, yeah yeah, but where were the Plays Well With Dogs results? Where was Doesn't Steal Bones? Either the agency didn't run the tests or they are conspiring to conceal the results! Either way, I'm on to you guys. I demand a hearing! I PROTEST!!!
STELLLLAAAA! Arf!
ej
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6 comments:
Poor EJ. Does Stella give belly rubs?
Jan
e.j., maybe you and Seamus can form a support group? Start blogs? Have a blog union?
EJ,
Thanks for the doggie humor. You have truly made us laugh!
Not that we don't take you seriously, of course!
Stay strong,
Susan and Chad
Way too cute! Our dog Twix would like to join in on the formal protest as well. Baby gates are everywhere....she can't go upstairs anymore...she can't go downstairs anymore...her dog bed keeps getting relocated. Poor pups!
Blessings,
Kristy
That was to funny!
Hang tough on the belly rubs EJ!
Maureen
that is hilarious. and the pic next to it is so fitting...i worry about this lots too
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