we're back...

...and better(??) than ever. Well, maybe not. But a little time in St. Lucia never hurt anyone.

So as we wait, we continue to experience a jumble of different emotions.

The practical side of me tells me to try to put the wait out of my mind for now, to focus on other things, to somehow pretend like this does not exist so that one day we will be pleasantly surprised when our caseworker calls to tell us we have been matched to a little boy. But anyone who has gone through this process - and probably anyone who has ever wanted a child at all - knows that that is simply not possible! If anything, the struggle to get through this process has only deepened our feelings, revealed just how much we do want to be parents and how invested we are already in a child whose face we have not yet seen.

Sometimes we cry. Sometimes we vent. Sometimes we say nothing. Sometimes we even laugh - because we need to.

And always we remember that it is worth going through every second of this journey - painful as it may be at times - in order to one day meet the child who is waiting for us.

(edited.3)