nine-ish

You may have noticed that a few days ago, we hit nine months on the waitlist for a referral.

I wasn't sure whether or not to post about this - since I'm not sure right now what nine months on the waitlist really means... With Simon's adoption, and even until about 2-3 months ago, there was an end point that was reasonably predictable, so it was kind of fun counting down... "knowing" that we were getting closer and closer to expanding our family. Technically, it's still true; every day we wait is one less day until we will learn about the little girl that will join our family. But unlike in the past, we can no longer get comfortable with the idea that X months down = about Y-Z months left. Y and Z in this equation have become complete unknowns.

And so, our defense mechanisms shift into high gear, and we tell ourselves that maybe we won't wrap this adoption up until 2013 (and, for the record, there is no particular basis for this date, other than an attempt to push our expectations far enough out that we can try not to over-analyze every statement, rumor, feeling, question, etc. related to our adoption). Of course, I hope we are able to become a family of four much sooner than that, but whatever happens, we will find our way.

We have intentionally not said much about the news, rumors, questions, etc. surrounding international (and in particular, Ethiopian) adoptions right now, and hope you will understand. I think these issues are way too complicated (and frankly, personal) to ever do them justice on this blog...

What I can say is that for now we are staying the course, hopeful that our adoption will still be viable, whether this year or next (or the year after that). When we began the adoption process for Simon in 2007, we looked to Ethiopia for many reasons. Those reasons all continue to be true. And today we have even more. As a family, we have been touched by Ethiopia and will forever be tied to this country.

And that's all I can say....

On a lighter note, here are a few gratuitous shots of Simon's 3rd birthday party. The party was in February, so I'm a bit late in sharing them... not to mention they really have nothing to do with the rest of this post. But they make me smile, so why not?

sigh

As I alluded to in my last post, and as you may have heard by now, the adoption process in Ethiopia is undergoing changes. I have not posted much about this, since there has not been much detailed information about the changes (and we do not wish to post inaccurate information or to speculate), and, anyway, we really do not know yet how the changes will affect us.

What the US State Department has reported is that the government agency in Ethiopia that reviews all pending intercountry adoption cases has indicated that it will reduce the number of cases it processes on a per day basis. We believe this decision was made in order to enable that agency to focus on improvements to the adoption process and the overall welfare of children in Ethiopia, and so we will trust that things will happen the way they are supposed to.

Of course, that isn't much to go on, and I won't pretend that it is easy to wait to see how things do play out. Especially since we might be waiting a loooooooooong time. But that is the way international adoption goes.

So just a quick update for everyone. I know there a lot of opinions out there about a lot of things related to international adoption, and I imagine that some of you would like to hear more about our opinions, but I hope you will respect our decision to keep those private and not to engage in the "political" (for lack of a better word) side of things. International adoption is a deeply complicated subject, one with many questions and challenges and not always as many clear answers, one that evokes many emotions and passions, and one which is an integral and very personal part of our lives.

eight... and six

So, I started writing this post yesterday - to mark eight months on the waitlist for a referral - but our internet went down as I was writing, and so, instead I will post today: 8 months and 1 day into our wait for a referral... AND the day of EJ's 6th birthday! Our crazy, lovable, barks-like-he-is-a-pitbull-and-not-a-little-dog is 6 today. He can be a handful, but we love him!!

Happy Birthday EJ!


So back to our current adoption (did I mention EJ was adopted from the ASPCA? we advocate all kinds of adoptions)...

The good news is that we continue to find the waiting a bit easier the second time around, and we have been able to maintain a relative calm about everything (though not without occasional moments of frustration, anxiety, and emotional overload) . The not-so-good news is that the process itself has slowed down since we started, and the 8-9 month average wait time for a referral is no longer realistic. And it's not clear just yet exactly how much longer we should expect to be waiting.

Of course, this is not unchartered territory for us. As you may recall, similar delays and changes affected us during Simon's adoption, and our estimated 3-4 month wait turned out to actually be a 5 1/2 month wait (and, silly us, we thought that was so, so long!!).

And so it goes. Hopes of a trip (or two) to Ethiopia this summer have faded away, as we keep our fingers crossed that we complete the adoption in 2011. Plans to look for a new apartment in 2012 have been accelerated, since we have the time now. Paperwork that we’d filed away has been pulled so that we can start to renew expiring documents.

It’s quite a different experience than we had the first time around. And I realize I sometimes sound a bit less excited or invested in the process this time. That’s actually not the case at all. This is a quieter process – things moved so fast with Simon’s adoption (even though we didn’t really think so then), that there was always some news to write about (literally - everything that happened was "new" and "news" to us). But things that surprised us the first time were totally expected this time around (yes, my bank, I'm talking about you). There are also far longer periods of no adoption activity at all. Not to mention, with a three year old running around, I have a lot less time to write about things anyway. But we are so, so excited about the prospect of receiving our referral and expanding our family. Not a day goes by that we do not think about it, talk about it, plan for it. Maybe less publicly, but not with any less heart.

And so we wait. Quiet. Excited. Sometimes patiently. Sometimes not so patiently. Eight months (and a day) down and maybe a long road still ahead. But all for a very good reason. And so we wait.

three!

someone is three today...

all i want.... part two

You may recall a Christmas-time post about Simon's wish for a playdate with Guy Fieri? Well, things have gotten a bit more complicated....

We've been talking to Simon about his upcoming birthday and how we will have a party with all his friends. This is the first time we are making a "big" birthday party for him, since I think he understands the concept now (sort of) and having started pre-school this year, actually has his own circle of friends - kids he will be in school with for the next few years. So we talk about the party and how so many of his friends will be there and mostly he has seemed excited.

Until a few days ago.

That's when he informed me that he didn't want his friends to come to his party. He wanted Ina (Garten), Rachel Ray, Bobby Flay, Guy (Fieri) and Paula Deen to come. And this he has reiterated many times over the last few days (sometimes Santa gets added to the list, but mostly its his Food Network friends that seem to really matter).

So if you think I have been exaggerating Simon's cooking obsession, think again. I guarantee my son is the only (almost) three year old who cannot identify Disney characters, Bob the Builder, or the Backyardigans, but can name every host of the Food Network and, often, name every ingredient (spices included) of the dishes they are making on a given episode.

Anyway, if you happen to have any ideas about how to get any one of the Food Network gang to come to a three year old's birthday party, let me know!